ARGUMENT FOR A CHRISTIAN TO DATE AN UNBELIEVER PART THREE

 

So far I have spoken about dating, courtship the differences between the two and an argument on why Christians shouldn’t date unbelievers, as much I do feel that it isn’t right, based on scripture and various reasons. I am also willing to look at the bigger picture by talking a bit about how such could actually work out. From what I have seen and heard there have been unbelievers who have become born again Christians to get closer to a Christian they really like and more importantly God.

REAL LIFE SITUATION: A guy who was an unbeliever showed interest in a woman who so happened to be a strong Christian. She told him that if he really wanted to be with her would have to have a relationship with God and become born again in Christ. For some time he was reluctant to do so and kept coming back and forth until one day he realised how much he actually likes her and so took the bold step to become born again, they eventually courted and plan to marry. So there are situations where depending on how strong the feelings are the unbeliever can turn their life around and change to live right. The latter situation is a good example of this.

If they are a believer and you want him or her best way is to keep them in prayers and keep a healthy distance from them, because depending on how strong you are in Christ they’re sins may eventually rub on you causing you to fall. But don’t take it upon yourself to get closer to them by doing things you know you shouldn’t do, just so that you can make them happy.

Even if the person is for you, he would have to genuinely repent and invite Christ into His life and know what it is to live a Godly life and not a worldly life. One to lead a woman to Christ and not to taint her relationship with God by getting in the way of God and her, God in turn will let you know if he or she is for you if not believe and trust in God to give you the best in His own time and not on your own accord.

Either way it is best to consult God in everything and not make a habit of going against what is written to put self desires first before God, especially when you’re not led.

This is a concise brief argument on why a Christian may be able to be with an unbeliever. But it wouldn’t be wise for them to get to together but keep a healthy distance at first and over time work on things without getting physically attached. Because when it’s all said and done it is not the woman who is meant to pursue but the man, who is meant to pursue the woman. So if you know he is not capable to do that then pray and seek guidance over how to handle it, for it says HE who finds, not she who finds a good husband but he who finds a good wife obtains favour from the Lord.

THE DOWNFALL TO THIS GENERATION

• ACT ON LUSTFUL DESIRES
• WEAK MINDED LUKEWARM CHRISTIANS
• SEEK WORLDLY THINGS OVER GODLY THINGS
• PEOPLE PLEASERS
• IMPATIENT
• LACK WISDOM AND THE ABILITY TO FOLLOW GODLY COUNSEL
• NOT ALL REALISE THEIR WORTH AND POTENTIAL
• SPEND TOO MUCH TIME ON SOCIAL NETWORKS, ALLOWING PEOPLE TO DEFINE THEM.
• OVERLOOK AND IGNORE THE SIGNS
• WAYWARD BEHAVIOUR WHEN GETTING INTO RELATIONSHIPS ETC

CONCLUSION: That comes to the end of this three part post to do with the argument for and against Christians being with unbelievers. One thing we can all agree on is that the word of God is not meant to be manipulated to suit ones situation, everything and anything is written in the bible. All it takes is for you to locate the scripture that best relates to you, pray over it for understanding and apply it to your own life. There will be people who say it is okay and others who say it is not okay, but no one can change what is written.

If really you find yourself in a situation where you are caught up with an unbeliever and or like one but don’t know what to do, pray over it there will always be a solution don’t worry about that. But it’s when you decide to act on your own reasoning that is where the problems start. I pray that for those who are in such situation to seek God and be led to do right but not pressured to do wrong and face the consequences in the long run. With ALL things NOT some things but with all things once God is at the centre of it, you shall not be led astray but be led on the right path because all in all He alone knows best.

PRAYER:
DEAR FATHER,
I thank you for the lives of those reading these posts, I pray that whoever or whatsoever is hindering them and causing them to be led astray to cease from their lives now, you said in your word that you have a plan for each and every one of us for good and not evil, you indeed know best and not man. So Father please help your children who may feel as if they have no way out or in too deep to know that with you there is always a way out.

A way of hope, happiness, joy and love. No prayers we pray go up unanswered, you answer to our calls and always send down your response in various ways, to contact your children so Father I say thank you for what you have done what you are about to do and what you will do in future.

Amen

ARGUMENT FOR WHY A CHRISTIAN SHOULDN'T DATE AN UNBELIEVER PART TWO

Now I understand that there may be some who don’t agree with what is shared here and that is okay, we all have different views and may not always agree. But one thing I want to make clear is that the scriptures were used as a foundation to bring about this argument not simply based on scenarios and opinions.

To begin with let us keep in mind this scripture, the warning against idolatry
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” 2 CORINTHIANS 6:14

Now when one looks at this scripture one can interpret it to clearly state that as a believer we have no business with getting involved with an unbeliever, for light and dark cannot mix. A believer is in the light with God, an unbeliever is in darkness with the devil. Two different people trying hard to make it work, this will eventually cause conflict between the two. So already we can see that the two people have different beliefs, different ways of doing things, one is led by God the other is led by the devil and sin. One is pure the other impure. One relies and lives by the word of God, the other lives by the flesh. One communicates with God in spirit, the other communicates to the devil in flesh (the earthly suit that controls them and leads to destruction if not genuinely repented on and stopped.)


Once it is written, no matter what anyone says to you, you can pick out the scripture and pray over it for God to help guide you. The sad thing about this generation is that there are many carnal Christians who go about manipulating the word of God, to justify their sinful living. Because to them it’s a comfort zone and one they feel God will accept, rather than praying for God to intervene and help them.

They take it upon themselves to pick and choose what scriptures to live by and what scriptures to just ignore because they haven’t genuinely repented and allowed God into their lives. In spirit they are unclean and weak and that is not the way of living as a Christian. God is not an unclean God who contacts us in flesh, NO NO NO! God is a pure perfect God who contacts His children in spirit, now an unclean spirit will block you connecting with God. Being impure cuts you off in the spirit realm, but gets you closer to the devil, because the devil is unclean and uses your weakness (fleshly desires) to entice you to keep sinning thinking it’s okay, it doesn’t care about you, it wants to destroy you and turn you away from God. But only a strong Christian who is strong in spirit can overcome all the temptation and fight back.

When a Christian chooses to date an unbeliever by that stage they have already ignored the scripture and probably not even prayed over it, but rather acted on own desires to allow that person close. You and that unbeliever will have different goals even if you say you don’t want to fornicate with them or fall short of His glory, in a way you have because you overlooked the scripture and still went ahead with what God says to not do. In everything no matter how big or small always PRAY, use WISDOM, read the word, FAST and have FAITH that God can and will intervene to set your path straight.

Sadly in this generation again the definition of a Christian woman especially, has been tainted for various reasons. But one thing there are many wolves in sheep clothing who hide behind saying they’re a Christian but they’re actions are that of the devil and the world. Not to say all but when some people see a portion doing wrong they then decide to label ALL Christian women as such this is not true and shouldn’t be done. A genuine God fearing woman would see an unbeliever and know to keep a healthy distance and consult God in it on how to approach it.

Being with an unbeliever can bring you down emotionally and spiritually, because they are very weak. Christian women and men would feel it’s their duty to try to change them, some go as far as exerting force to try to change the person so that they can become born again and know God. But in the end the unbeliever may end up resenting you and God too for acting that way. The same way salvation is personal is the same way genuine change is personal too, it has to be wanted from within that person for it to come to pass involving God in it to help them change. That is not your role, you can pray for them but you can’t expect that by your might alone they will change.

Some may say based on the scripture that God will not give a believer an unbeliever, someone who is in the world of darkness. But He will give you a believer who may not be stronger than you but a believer you can grow in Christ with. He wouldn’t give you someone who’s draining and a challenge to your walk in Christ but someone who can uplift you and not lead you to sin. It is also possible that by being with an unbeliever is enough to block your blessings and affect how you pray and the time you spend with God. Because if you have it in your mind that you can be the factor to help change them you will realise that you’re too busy spending more time trying to help them change, neglecting your own personal relationship with God, that suffers and communication with Him gets less. (This will be to those who feel they are sure they can help the person change, but not involving God from the get go).

As we women and men of God grow and learn along the way in this walk in Christ one thing we have to remember is that God will not give you the one for you straight away, He will want you to be at a level of maturity and growth to show you are ready for the one for you to locate you, or in cases for the men for you to be ready and mature to pursue the one for you.

THERE ARE MANY COUNTER FITS ALONG THE WAY WHO WILL SHOW INTEREST IN YOU BUT FOR THE WRONG REASONS. THIS IS WHERE THE SPIRIT OF DISCERNMENT PLAYS AN IMPORTANT ROLE TO NOT LEAD YOU INTO THE HANDS OF THE WRONG ONE. THE COUNTER FITS WILL ONLY DRAW YOU NEARER TO THE DEVILS PLAYGROUND (THE WORLD) AND AWAY FROM GOD.

As it states in Ephesians 5:23-24 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

So with this written in regards to females, I ask for an unbeliever to get with a believer, who is the head of that unbeliever? It certainly isn’t Christ, they are meant to lead you closer to Christ pure and without causing you to sin but seek God even more. If you get flattered by the worldly things then the unbeliever will attract you, but if Godly things attract you, you will resist whether that unbeliever is nice or not. But one thing you will respect is that God will do a good work in that guy, but it’s not your place as previously mentioned to change someone. It is your place to represent Christ to this person and others, not to enforce the change. Because knowing God is not by force it is a choice one makes to become born again to know Him more, and how to live a righteous fulfilled life. The person should want a relationship with God without you forcing it.

Okay so let me give a scenario, let’s say you are a Christian guy or a Christian woman who wants to change an unbeliever you like and want to be with. Lets also say you met them doing something you wouldn’t particularly agree with or even met them in a club (as most do still go clubbing) So you both like each other but the beliefs are what is different, they go clubbing another night and ask you to go with them, you decide to go even though deep down you don’t want to (the other time was just to support a friends cause) but to make the person happy you go putting your feelings aside. Then overtime the unbeliever starts to ask you to do things and go to places you’re not keen on doing and going to. But instead of speaking up you go along with it each time. Until eventually it hits you and by then it’s too late you realise you’ve become laid back and no longer trying as much as before to help them change but participating in their way of living. How would you feel knowing that you had fallen short of God’s glory for man or for woman an unbeliever at that??

You see when you tell them to stop doing things and going places they may not accept it and keep doing it. Because the same way you found them in that club is going to be how they are from that moment onwards. Before you met them they didn’t share your beliefs, morals and values so now that they’ve met you, don’t expect it to be an easy ride for them to change just like that, if that’s how they’ve lived well before you came on the scene.

Solid relationships aren’t unequally yoked because God will be at the centre of it all, being unequally yoked however will determine the longevity of the relationship determining whether the unbeliever changes or not. But if God is the priority in the Christians life then the unbeliever will have a tough time trying to have their way and may eventually either give up or move on. Or depending on how much they want the person become born again and know God to get closer to Him and to the Christian too.

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

If the Christian man or woman sleeps with the unbeliever they will extract evil unclean spirits into their own soul that will trouble their life and cut communication flow with contacting God. Because as said before God is a pure God and so to contact us He wants us to be pure in spirit, clean and flee sin. But some Christian women and men due to be vulnerability will still go ahead and sleep with the person which comes with its own trouble, causes havoc amongst them and instead of being at peace with genuine happiness, it’s the opposite soul ties and trouble.

Hebrews 11:1 ‘Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen’ God cannot be seen but is with us in spirit we ought to trust, believe and have faith in Him. That is why it is imperative we have Christ in the foundation of our relationships to be one accord in truth to maintain a long prosperous, healthy relationship.

Mark 8:36 ‘For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?’ This is the opposite to someone a believer should be with and want around them, for worldly pleasures they sold their soul and come with excess baggage of unrighteous behaviour to bring nothing but heartache, stress and pain to you.

You cannot force what you want, same way you cannot force someone to change to believe in what you believe in. Most times unless the unbeliever decides to become born again and leave all old ways behind it won’t end well, you will simply be putting your all into something that you’re not getting anything good from. For example think of a bag and someone putting money into that bag every week. But every time they go back to that bag they don’t seem to understand why the money they left there is no longer there, when they have bills and soo many things they planned to do with the money. It’s only until later on they realise that someone has been taking money from that same bag and not putting the money they took back in the bag. Causing the owner to become very stressed, annoyed, disappointed and confused as to what to do next, exact same way with a relationship with an unbeliever.

No matter how much effort, love, prayer, guidance etc you put into it you don’t seem to get it back because not only are you two not on the same page spiritually. But what you feel is right in a Christ like way is not what they believe in or see to be right to live by. So all your efforts go to waste and its drains you because you’ve tried soo hard but got nothing back.

Some scriptures to support this argument:

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.

Proverbs 19:2 Desire without knowledge is not good and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way.

James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.

Ephesians 5:3 But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.

1 Thessalonians 5:22 Abstain from every form of evil
Psalm 32:8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.

1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

Romans 12:9 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.

Proverbs 27:12 The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.

Galatians 5:18-23 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness.

IS IT OKAY FOR A CHRISTIAN TO ‘DATE’ AN UNBELIEVER??? PART ONE

Hey lovelies,

I decided to write this post to share my thoughts about dating an unbeliever, along with something’s I have heard and seen around. Because I have noticed a lot of actions aren’t in accordance with the word when it comes to this issue. I have spoken to people both men and women, various opinions were drawn in relation to the above Q, some interesting, some shocking and others surprising.

Before I begin, I would like to stress the importance of what I am going to share with you all, all the information is backed up with biblical scripture. As a Christian it is important we not only acknowledge that we are one, but live as a reflection of Christ, read the word to discipline ourselves and rely on it, along with doing the work of God and more.

DATING:
To begin with, I want to talk about the term DATING in a worldly sense. This can be seen as two people deciding they would like to hang out together get to know each other and see if anything more can happen after the dating stage, getting into a relationship calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend (which the bible does not honour, a man made title given to one another making it exclusive for the pair to touch each other, as opposed to courting in Christ abstaining from sin). 

Now I say ‘to see if anything can happen’ because at times dating in the world doesn’t always have a sense of security and assurance that it will lead further. Especially if one has options, or if one likes the other more than the other likes them, or soul ties due to sexual relations amongst them. With dating however there are people who choose to be free with it and date multiple people to keep their ‘options’ open. Dating in the world in some case scenarios is done in the unclean way where some sleep with each other and keep that as the main bonding factor. Whereas on the flip side, there have been cases where the two have pursued it further into an official relationship. All in all it depends on the person, but usually sexual relations are never far from thought.

Don’t get me wrong though I have heard of couples who started out dating never touched each other and took it to the next stage, but weren’t Christians, it was just a way of life they were comfortable living. So it goes to show that even those in the world don’t touch and can keep themselves to themselves.

I personally don’t support the worldly dating method, because it has that element of having options dating more than one and going further sexually. Not all even last because they either wanted more options or got bored with the person they were dating. Then there are some who can’t commit and find this way pleasing to their nature because it’s fun to them and once feelings get involved they leave and onto the next. Let’s look at some of the scriptures which can be seen as talking about being against worldly dating:

2 Timothy 2:22 So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.

1 Corinthians 15:33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honour, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God.

1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality, every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.

1 Corinthians 6:13 Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food”—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.

Proverbs 15:22 Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.

Proverbs 31:3 Do not give your strength to women, your ways to those who destroy kings.

1 John 2:16 For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world.

Proverbs 28:18 Whoever walks in integrity will be delivered, but he who is crooked in his ways will suddenly fall.

Psalm 119:9 How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word.

These are just some of the scriptures one can mention in regards to the unclean side of dating the worldly way. I want to put this point across that EVERYTHING, no matter how big or small is written in the Bible. So to always get assurance, read it to know how to approach a person, situation or decision.

This is some insight into worldly dating, but as a Christian the downfall to it in the world is not action we should entertain and follow too.

 

 COURTSHIP:

This brings me to talk about COURTING/COURTSHIP, in a biblical sense some will say but isn’t courting and dating the same thing? So let us look into what the courting stage of a couple is about. Courting is known as a relationship between a man and a woman who seek God in the relationship to see if truly they are meant for one another. To not only go through the courting stage but to marriage to and in everything they do they involve God with a foundation built firmly in Christ. They involve their pastors, their family and any referred counsellors to partake in this special stage in their lives. Proverbs 3:5-7 ‘Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil.’

This scripture is a perfect example of a courting couple who instead of relying on their own desires and understanding of how to do things they consult God and noble people to help guide them, strengthen their walk in Christ and the courting to, to ensure it is done following the biblical way.

Courtship is a couple saying they want to be together but will abstain from temptation and waits until they are married; they celebrate purity and not uncleanness. Rather than have options they acknowledge the fact it is just going to be them two and no one else. It is a special decision they make, to wait on God to give them direction for it to be successful.

Now that courting has been defined, let us now look at the differences between DATING AND COURTING. With dating it may not necessarily have the assurance and security of leading to marriage but simply just that dating, at times dating doesn’t have a purpose and two just go into it for their own personal desire, the fun activities and romance etc but that is it. Because for some there will always be options and no stable commitment made. Whereas with courting both have a common goal as potential marriage partners to want to marry as the end result. One can also say that with dating most do it but not with the common ground of marrying each other, hence some having options to date more than one.

When both go into courting they have mutually agreed to make that special commitment to God that this is what they are both sure of and will follow God’s way. Dating on the other hand will bring up questions like ‘are they fun and down for a good time?’ ‘Out of the options I have who will be right for me?’ BUT courting will ask ‘How can we help each other grow in Christ?’ ‘How can we both honour God in our courtship stage?’ ‘How to continue to pray for direction?’

It has been known to some that two people dating have little or even no communication with the other person’s family. But with them it is really the two of them away from influential counsel, family and more importantly God. It is on their own accord and own desires. With this said the couple can easily fall into temptation, because there is no godly guidelines on how to keep themselves and not follow their own selfish desires. It is like there aren’t always boundaries when it comes to dating for some if not most. Therefore purity, love and honour are all out of the window if this is the case.

But with courting they both choose to receive the grace of God, the support of others and pray together to support maintain and encourage not only their commitment to God and themselves but for purity too.
But as it is clear the biggest difference between dating and courting will come in the form of TEMPTATION. With dating there is most likely going to be weakness and the urge to sin because of the lack of guidelines on how to be with each other, it is more PERSONAL PLEASURE as opposed to GODLY PLEASURE (PRAYER, COUNSELLING ETC). Instead of involving God, both take it upon themselves to meet their needs by giving into their lustful ways. But with courting both know to wait and pray for strength to not fall. Not to say some courting couples may not fall but if they have succumb to temptation, will most likely repent, pray and ask for forgiveness to not do it again. Whereas two people dating will see it as acceptable and keep on doing it.

Having said all this, I’m sure we can all agree that marriage is one of the most important decisions you’ll make and commit to. God created marriage for both man and woman and so to know about it more and if the person you want to pursue is the one for you. The word of God and prayer along with reliable counsel can help you in taking that big step. Not what the world acts on and believes to be acceptable (sexual immorality, countless partners/ options etc). Where dating is based on what the two know and want to know about each other, courting is what God knows about the couple and how best to bring His plans to pass in their lives. Once you focus on God from the beginning it will all flow smoothly because not only have you put Him first and have the firm foundation built, but also you are showing your seriousness in doing it the right way.“Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you” (Matthew 6:33)”

Here are some scriptures about the courting stage:
Proverbs 18:22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord.

1 Timothy 4:12 Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.

1 Corinthians 7:1-40 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Matthew 19:5 And said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?

2 Timothy 2:22 So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.

1 Thessalonians 4:1-8 Finally, then, brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honour, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God.

Having spoken about dating, courting and the differences between the two, I am now going to speak about the argument against a Christian dating an unbeliever. Followed by an argument for it (to not seem biased to just one side but to weigh up the arguments and come to an overall conclusion).