IS SOCIETY FAIR TO MEN?? PART TWO

Whether someone ‘appears’ to have it all together or not, smiling and doing daily life activities DOES not mean they have it all together, they may not come out and say it, but most times are wishing for people to reach out and help them. But sadly, for some that is never the case and so they end it all and leave confusion, pain and distraught people behind. Be more considerate of your brother and sister don’t think that the outer appearance is enough there is much more behind that that is being neglected. As I mentioned in a previous post the most damaging thing a woman can say is I AM FINE, this works well for men too.

Recently in prayer the Lord laid on my heart a guy I should give a word to, and this guy had reached out to me a few times a few weeks ago to say that he wants to meet up and hang out, but it was never a good time, and distance too. I later found out that it was his indirect way of saying he wants someone to talk to and felt I was the one and so couldn’t out rightly ask, so put it in a way to say that we should hang out so when he sees me will be transparent and honest with what he is struggling with.

Felt so bad and that hit me hard on how I was not only inconsiderate, but just had no idea what he was going through, but taught me the importance of picking up on signs. They won’t always come out and say they need help or someone to talk to but will find a way to get to you in their presence, for you to help them. As a sister said it takes vulnerability from a man and humility to admit he needs help and hasn’t got it all together.

I always stand on this that when you speak up and offload to trusted people, pray and above all know God and His word it takes a lot of load of you, you are set free and healing becomes a process to move forward with. When we accept the false perceptions, and lies told about how people think men ought to be, we are shutting out the men’s struggles and mental state of being by restricting what they do and not allowing them to come out and say what is going on with them. Again, for fear of being judged and various reasons. We are relational beings and God is love so by expressing that love to your neighbour, you don’t know how much of a blessing you can be to them.

This reminds me of what another sister said about the change starting from us, we should all be bold enough to express how we feel and what we are going through to those trusted around us and like a ripple effect encourage others to do the same too.

STEPS TO CONSIDER WHEN YOU NEED HELP-

If you are a believer pray and read the word and ask God to bring the right people around you.

Acknowledge that truly there is a problem you can no longer run away from.

Know that it is okay to not have it all together, shut out what people expect of you, take it slow.

Consider professional help, they will not judge you neither cause you to feel worse off than you already feel- Can work on strategies to help make things easier to manage.

You will find that reaching out for help at your own pace will help get you back on track and to a better future. It all starts within, and as difficult as it maybe you must want that change and help.

MEN IN THE WORLD-

Men in the world have the freedom to do as they please, they have big egos and think they have it all together and don’t need help, some ignore how they feel within by trying to cover it up with women and things, but can only keep running away from it for so long.

These types of men may have been abused when younger, struggled and turned cold from that, verbally abused from family, compared to others, dropped out of school etc there are so many factors they go through growing up which was always ignored and not tackled. So, by the time they reach their twenties+, all they have ever known to do is ignore and be who they’ve been told they must be no matter how much unresolved pain is within.

Don’t get me wrong not everyone may have had tough, harsh upbringings, but rather the opposite and too much freedom to do as they please was given and so they never learnt things the right way but rather the fast living lifestyle to get what they want and who they want anyhow. That freedom is more than dangerous to get caught up in things and all of a sudden they are no longer that care free guy, but a broken guy who made wrong choices and must face the consequences but doesn’t know how.

They become trapped in a routine to keep their reputation and have others respect them that they neglect the very crucial parts of their being which need healing and help. It is like saying my reputation is more important but my inner being can wait. That doesn’t matter to them, that sense of denial of their inner being and pain is what they are used to. Because as a man they can’t be soft, they can’t show emotions and they can’t cry. Who said this for it to become truth?

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MEN IN THE KINGDOM-

2 Corinthians 5:17 ‘Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.’

Today there are men who have become saved and new creations in Christ, but there are still parts of the world in them that need to be cleansed from their systems. No one is perfect and people will make mistakes but to act as though you have it all together when you don’t is wrong. You need God to guide you and heal you and crush out all areas of pride in you.

Yes, there is pressure to be a certain way, do things to have a family and to earn in a good job, but you don’t have to make that your reality at the expense of your joy. Be reminded that in Christ you are set free and no longer bound by what held you down before-

Galatians 5:1– ‘For freedom Christ, has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.’

2 Corinthians 3:17 – ‘Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.’

John 8:32– ‘And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.’

John 8:36– ‘So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.’

One thing that is very damaging is the fact that men have the freedom- free in Christ, but still carry bad habits and actions which invite the fact that they are still held down by others perceptions and how they are supposed to be seen, which is not healthy and a form of bondage to people’s opinions. You are not who people say you are, but who God says you are, people will always talk regardless, what you should work on is ignoring what they say and holding onto God and your peace.

Protect your spirit and your sanity, be wise with what you let in and who is around you and know that crying is not weakness or makes you any less of a man, you are still a man, a child of God, breadwinner, career man and more it doesn’t take away from you, rather it builds you up to not suffer in silence but heal, knowing that even as a man you don’t have to suffer in silence.

Lastly to bring this to a close, it is very sad that there are many men saved and not saved who are going through life’s daily struggling with no one to talk to.

It’s been highlighted that there aren’t a lot of men ministries for the men to come together and support each other, there are a few I’ve seen who are doing amazing jobs, but still there aren’t as many as women ministries. So, it makes one questions for men how do they offload, who do they have around them, do they even have anyone?

Praying for the men around, be encouraged.

GOD BLESS YOU

IS SOCIETY FAIR TO MEN? PART ONE

TO THE MEN WE APPRECIATE YOU - PART ONE

Dear all, 

Let us pray,

Dear Father,

Thank you for the gift of life, creating each one of us in your own image, Father we live in a society where there are false perceptions that men can’t show emotions and are seen to be strong all the time which causes more damage than good in some cases, with no escape. Father may you help us to help encourage our brothers who are struggling in silence, feel they have no way out, want to end their lives, and feel alone.

As much as it is good to have people around you to talk and open up to not all men have that. I pray that this post reflects an overview of the concerns with you at the centre of it all. May they no longer live to please the perceptions of others. In your precious, mighty name I pray and say. Halleluyah.

This has been one of the heavy burdens on my heart and although it is very deep and sad I pray that as God leads me to share what has been on my heart. We live in a society where men are seen to be strong, hunters, wise, emotionless, to not cry or else they will be considered weak. So, with that perception many have grown up with this, taught to be strong, if they had no father figure, taught to go for what they want, to not be considered weak, taught to work hard and make money despite the fact they too suffer and go through things.

Taught to support their women even though they need the support as well, but struggle to speak up due to fear of their masculinity being looked down own. There are so many things I can only imagine they grew up being told and having to live by. Because it was like that and they grew up with it, didn’t second guess it or break the mould but rather lived to please those thoughts and perceptions unknowingly and knowingly.

I am saddened that in society in fact in the kingdom too that men are this figure that is not attached to crying and sensitivity and life’s troubles. They are men who are there for others and don’t always have others there for them because when they do have problems, don’t reach out for fear of being considered weak.

In training this week, we studied suicide and my heart was so heavy, though men was a heavy burden already, this week it tripled. I mean how can you go through life pleasing false perceptions, acting as if you have it all together, being strong all the time, not crying because of weakness, not asking for help for pain to be dealt with and not break?

The suicide statistics we looked at said men committed suicide more than women, the personal examples shared were also of men who committed suicide. When will all these false perceptions and cover ups stop? To not let more men be statistics and to let more men know that they are human too and will have feelings and that by the way, if they do cry it doesn’t affect their manhood, if anything it’s a respectable thing to show that they too need help to be better, not to be mocked or laughed at.

A few stats and sayings we looked over in regards to suicide-

Ø Number of suicides in UK increases, with male rate highest since 2001 ONS figures show 6,233 suicides of over 15-year-olds registered in 2013, 252 more than in 2012, and that the male suicide rate is three times the female rate.

  • The rate of suicides in the UK increased in 2013, with the level among males its highest since 2001 and middle-aged men most at risk.
  • Figures released by the Office for National Statistics (ONS) show that 6,233 suicides of people over the age of 15 were registered in 2013, 252 more than in 2012, which represents a 4% increase.
  • Hanging, strangulation and suffocation” was the most common method of suicide in 2013, accounting for 56.1% of male suicides and 40.2% of female suicides.

“We need to make it easier for men to find help without shame or stigma.” Samaritans’ executive director of policy, Joe Ferns, said the increase was “sadly not surprising to them given the context of a challenging economic environment and the social impact that brings on men.”

“We need to see a greater focus at local and regional levels on the co-ordination and prioritisation of suicide prevention activity especially in areas with high socio-economic deprivation. The excessive risk of suicide in men continued to be a concern. The rate for this group has now reached its highest level for more than 30 years … These figured cannot be ignored.”

Looking at the statistics and hearing people’s personal experiences, I tried to imagine how difficult and alone these men must have felt to have the idea to want to commit suicide, get the means of doing so, making the plan and executing that plan. It blows my mind how someone can place the rope high and gradually position themselves to end it all, it goes to show you how tough life can be that many never feel they have any other way, but to end it once and for all. Doesn’t matter the friends and family they leave behind, they just have it in mind to want to go and do it. To think that men die by suicide 3.5 times more often than women says a lot. Words can’t fully express it, but it’s just so upsetting that many innocent people are no more because they felt trapped, alone, suffered and couldn’t speak up, all dreams and plans gone, family who will never see them again, and life experiences they will never get to experience.

In life, in different ways God has given me a head start with issues men face, I have had male friends in the past ask for advice and open up to me, but it wasn’t always easy for them because you must remember that behind their appearance are broken men who have always ignored how they feel, what they want and how to go about it because of false perceptions. Now that I am training and meeting new people this is where I will be dealing with men as well as women’s issues. It is giving the men a chance to feel safe, open and secure in the space given to them to be free to express with no one watching and for them to know it is okay to cry, ask for help and say they are struggling. It makes them no less of a man if they say this, and if people disagree they are the ones who need to look at their tainted views.

DEPRESSION-

Loneliness and depression are two major reasons that can cause a man to not go on in life. In a state of depression it leads many to end it, they see it as a state of life they can’t win, an estimated 5 to 10 percent of black men are said to have depression. There are many reasons that can cause a man to feel low, depressed and isolated such as the pressure to make it, be the head of the family, the provider and be academically sound. Because let’s face it they can’t fail, or else they won’t get a good job, if they don’t get a good job, how will they find a good wife to marry and settle down, how will they look after the kids. It then becomes a ripple effect and what are supposed to be the great milestones in their lives then become the most pressurising stages to get right.

Many people are depressed, but think they are okay, whereas others know they are but don’t know the right ways to go about getting help and so live it out day in day out wishing, hoping, punishing themselves, becoming suicidal or withdrawn from others. It is like an up and down battle that if not fought the right way can do more damage than good regardless. Depression is not a condition you can wish away; you need to combat it and get help. Some signs that have been recommended to look out for –

  • Disruption in sleep patterns
  • Loss of interests
  • Feelings of hopelessness or guilt
  • Decreased energy
  • Decreased concentration
  • Increased or decreased appetite
  • Irritability and restlessness or slower speech and movements
  • Suicidal thoughts

‘About two-thirds of people who die by suicide will have had depression. Clinical depression is one of the risk factors for suicide, others include’:

  • Previous suicide attempts
  • Family history of suicide
  • Personal loss (job, financial, relationships, etc.)
  • Family history of violence and abuse
  • Physical and mental illness
  • Substance abuse
  • Isolation or lack of support

The sad thing with men who suffer and those who go to the extent of taking their own lives, because they can’t cope are the family, friends and partners they leave behind who are clueless to why they would go this way. Questions they will never get answered and mixed emotions that may never go away.

In our African community, especially, a man is taught and expected to be strong, the breadwinner, the leader of the household and the woman the helpmate, mother of the children taking care of the household. But never is it acknowledged the struggles the men will face because it is not spoken of freely. Hence why many struggle in silence and when they die questions and confusion arises.

AS A WOMAN OF GOD, DONT GIVE UP

I would like to share this word we shared with the sisters in Christ before, because I feel it is something we can all relate to. A woman of God, a woman of substance, strength, courage, hope and a blessing too many, a woman of God knows who she is in Christ she lives by the word every day, when she makes mistakes she prays for forgiveness and strives on. Because she knows this is her temporary home and her purpose must be fulfilled, before she leaves the earth to go to her eternal home.

Although she will be mocked, laughed at and insulted for knowing God and spreading the word, it may be hard to take in…But she continues because Yeshua in His time was also mocked, doubted and betrayed. But He promised to fight for us and so with the manual as our guide (bible) we shall never weep over such, it’ll only help in making us stronger..

So women of God continue as you’re going, don’t live to impress men only GOD. Here to encourage and pray with u, we are all one in the body of Christ.

*KNOW YOUR WORTH
*SET BOUNDARIES
*DRESS WELL
*SEEK GOD EVERYDAY
*WORK ON BEING THE PROV31WOMAN

LADIES BEING A WOMAN OF GOD COMES WITH GREAT RESPONSIBILITIES, GOD WILL HELP U BUT DONT GIVE UP

YOUR WORTH

We shared this word before and it is very important I share it with all those who haven’t read it, because sadly self worth isn’t celebrated and lived by. When you give it out freely to people it’s not an act that u can change overnight, but will only get worse if u don’t overcome such ways to bring about a good change.

Also if u plan to marry in future remember marriage is one on one, you won’t have the freedom to live anyhow you want because you’ll have a committed spouse to think off. Unlike relationships/ ‘messing around’ in marriage it’s till death do u part not until I get tired then I’m out.

So if by now this is the lifestyle one is used to then how can u grow to be prepared for the future and being the best wife or husband. People live for temporary, but don’t live for planning forward to create a stable foundation of good change. Working on you to move positively not anyhow, with no stable moral grounds. Just imagine u don’t change and end up with a reflection of u in marriage and u end up unhappy what will happen then??

NOT ALL THAT GLITTERS IS GOLD

For those who haven’t read what we posted before on Instagram, here it is:
Referring to people who post things on social media, in all of their pictures they are smiling… But deep down inside they are crying…for attention…for love…for understanding…and for peace. They have important titles on their jobs but they are miserable at home so they abuse their power at work. All dressed up on the outside but all messed up on the inside.

I just agree with this statement so much because it happens. There are some who aren’t open enough to say when they are not okay, struggling, need help or an ear to listen. Like it is always said, not all that glitters is gold and not everything u see around u, should be taken on face value alone.

Many are good at hiding things giving of that impression they’re fine and coping when really they are crying out but due to pride and a narrow minded mentality of it just being a thing to act in such state, they ignore help and with time begin to get worse…

Whether with relationships on social media, friendships, and jobs people have, whatever it may be, always remember at times for some, their actions and what they say is always usually a cover up mask to avoid being seen as weak or even made fun of. It’s always okay and wise to ask for help don’t keep it bottled in.