Now I understand that there may be some who don’t agree with what is shared here and that is okay, we all have different views and may not always agree. But one thing I want to make clear is that the scriptures were used as a foundation to bring about this argument not simply based on scenarios and opinions.

To begin with let us keep in mind this scripture, the warning against idolatry
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” 2 CORINTHIANS 6:14

Now when one looks at this scripture one can interpret it to clearly state that as a believer we have no business with getting involved with an unbeliever, for light and dark cannot mix. A believer is in the light with God, an unbeliever is in darkness with the devil. Two different people trying hard to make it work, this will eventually cause conflict between the two. So already we can see that the two people have different beliefs, different ways of doing things, one is led by God the other is led by the devil and sin. One is pure the other impure. One relies and lives by the word of God, the other lives by the flesh. One communicates with God in spirit, the other communicates to the devil in flesh (the earthly suit that controls them and leads to destruction if not genuinely repented on and stopped.)

Once it is written, no matter what anyone says to you, you can pick out the scripture and pray over it for God to help guide you. The sad thing about this generation is that there are many carnal Christians who go about manipulating the word of God, to justify their sinful living. Because to them it’s a comfort zone and one they feel God will accept, rather than praying for God to intervene and help them.

They take it upon themselves to pick and choose what scriptures to live by and what scriptures to just ignore because they haven’t genuinely repented and allowed God into their lives. In spirit they are unclean and weak and that is not the way of living as a Christian. God is not an unclean God who contacts us in flesh, NO NO NO! God is a pure perfect God who contacts His children in spirit, now an unclean spirit will block you connecting with God. Being impure cuts you off in the spirit realm, but gets you closer to the devil, because the devil is unclean and uses your weakness (fleshly desires) to entice you to keep sinning thinking it’s okay, it doesn’t care about you, it wants to destroy you and turn you away from God. But only a strong Christian who is strong in spirit can overcome all the temptation and fight back.

When a Christian chooses to date an unbeliever by that stage they have already ignored the scripture and probably not even prayed over it, but rather acted on own desires to allow that person close. You and that unbeliever will have different goals even if you say you don’t want to fornicate with them or fall short of His glory, in a way you have because you overlooked the scripture and still went ahead with what God says to not do. In everything no matter how big or small always PRAY, use WISDOM, read the word, FAST and have FAITH that God can and will intervene to set your path straight.

Sadly in this generation again the definition of a Christian woman especially, has been tainted for various reasons. But one thing there are many wolves in sheep clothing who hide behind saying they’re a Christian but they’re actions are that of the devil and the world. Not to say all but when some people see a portion doing wrong they then decide to label ALL Christian women as such this is not true and shouldn’t be done. A genuine God fearing woman would see an unbeliever and know to keep a healthy distance and consult God in it on how to approach it.

Being with an unbeliever can bring you down emotionally and spiritually, because they are very weak. Christian women and men would feel it’s their duty to try to change them, some go as far as exerting force to try to change the person so that they can become born again and know God. But in the end the unbeliever may end up resenting you and God too for acting that way. The same way salvation is personal is the same way genuine change is personal too, it has to be wanted from within that person for it to come to pass involving God in it to help them change. That is not your role, you can pray for them but you can’t expect that by your might alone they will change.

Some may say based on the scripture that God will not give a believer an unbeliever, someone who is in the world of darkness. But He will give you a believer who may not be stronger than you but a believer you can grow in Christ with. He wouldn’t give you someone who’s draining and a challenge to your walk in Christ but someone who can uplift you and not lead you to sin. It is also possible that by being with an unbeliever is enough to block your blessings and affect how you pray and the time you spend with God. Because if you have it in your mind that you can be the factor to help change them you will realise that you’re too busy spending more time trying to help them change, neglecting your own personal relationship with God, that suffers and communication with Him gets less. (This will be to those who feel they are sure they can help the person change, but not involving God from the get go).

As we women and men of God grow and learn along the way in this walk in Christ one thing we have to remember is that God will not give you the one for you straight away, He will want you to be at a level of maturity and growth to show you are ready for the one for you to locate you, or in cases for the men for you to be ready and mature to pursue the one for you.


As it states in Ephesians 5:23-24 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

So with this written in regards to females, I ask for an unbeliever to get with a believer, who is the head of that unbeliever? It certainly isn’t Christ, they are meant to lead you closer to Christ pure and without causing you to sin but seek God even more. If you get flattered by the worldly things then the unbeliever will attract you, but if Godly things attract you, you will resist whether that unbeliever is nice or not. But one thing you will respect is that God will do a good work in that guy, but it’s not your place as previously mentioned to change someone. It is your place to represent Christ to this person and others, not to enforce the change. Because knowing God is not by force it is a choice one makes to become born again to know Him more, and how to live a righteous fulfilled life. The person should want a relationship with God without you forcing it.

Okay so let me give a scenario, let’s say you are a Christian guy or a Christian woman who wants to change an unbeliever you like and want to be with. Lets also say you met them doing something you wouldn’t particularly agree with or even met them in a club (as most do still go clubbing) So you both like each other but the beliefs are what is different, they go clubbing another night and ask you to go with them, you decide to go even though deep down you don’t want to (the other time was just to support a friends cause) but to make the person happy you go putting your feelings aside. Then overtime the unbeliever starts to ask you to do things and go to places you’re not keen on doing and going to. But instead of speaking up you go along with it each time. Until eventually it hits you and by then it’s too late you realise you’ve become laid back and no longer trying as much as before to help them change but participating in their way of living. How would you feel knowing that you had fallen short of God’s glory for man or for woman an unbeliever at that??

You see when you tell them to stop doing things and going places they may not accept it and keep doing it. Because the same way you found them in that club is going to be how they are from that moment onwards. Before you met them they didn’t share your beliefs, morals and values so now that they’ve met you, don’t expect it to be an easy ride for them to change just like that, if that’s how they’ve lived well before you came on the scene.

Solid relationships aren’t unequally yoked because God will be at the centre of it all, being unequally yoked however will determine the longevity of the relationship determining whether the unbeliever changes or not. But if God is the priority in the Christians life then the unbeliever will have a tough time trying to have their way and may eventually either give up or move on. Or depending on how much they want the person become born again and know God to get closer to Him and to the Christian too.

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

If the Christian man or woman sleeps with the unbeliever they will extract evil unclean spirits into their own soul that will trouble their life and cut communication flow with contacting God. Because as said before God is a pure God and so to contact us He wants us to be pure in spirit, clean and flee sin. But some Christian women and men due to be vulnerability will still go ahead and sleep with the person which comes with its own trouble, causes havoc amongst them and instead of being at peace with genuine happiness, it’s the opposite soul ties and trouble.

Hebrews 11:1 ‘Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen’ God cannot be seen but is with us in spirit we ought to trust, believe and have faith in Him. That is why it is imperative we have Christ in the foundation of our relationships to be one accord in truth to maintain a long prosperous, healthy relationship.

Mark 8:36 ‘For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?’ This is the opposite to someone a believer should be with and want around them, for worldly pleasures they sold their soul and come with excess baggage of unrighteous behaviour to bring nothing but heartache, stress and pain to you.

You cannot force what you want, same way you cannot force someone to change to believe in what you believe in. Most times unless the unbeliever decides to become born again and leave all old ways behind it won’t end well, you will simply be putting your all into something that you’re not getting anything good from. For example think of a bag and someone putting money into that bag every week. But every time they go back to that bag they don’t seem to understand why the money they left there is no longer there, when they have bills and soo many things they planned to do with the money. It’s only until later on they realise that someone has been taking money from that same bag and not putting the money they took back in the bag. Causing the owner to become very stressed, annoyed, disappointed and confused as to what to do next, exact same way with a relationship with an unbeliever.

No matter how much effort, love, prayer, guidance etc you put into it you don’t seem to get it back because not only are you two not on the same page spiritually. But what you feel is right in a Christ like way is not what they believe in or see to be right to live by. So all your efforts go to waste and its drains you because you’ve tried soo hard but got nothing back.

Some scriptures to support this argument:

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.

Proverbs 19:2 Desire without knowledge is not good and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way.

James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.

Ephesians 5:3 But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.

1 Thessalonians 5:22 Abstain from every form of evil
Psalm 32:8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.

1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

Romans 12:9 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.

Proverbs 27:12 The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.

Galatians 5:18-23 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness.