LISABLESSED – MY STORY- THE HOPELESS LOST GIRL
…I let a lot slide because I liked him but couldn’t help but find things dodgy. Like one time I was supposed to see him he didn’t like the place I said to meet got angry and said he will call me back, for a few days I couldn’t get through to him and when I eventually did he said he went to Denmark as if that was going down the road to him. I kept quiet on that he was soo persistent in getting me at times I had to ignore it got too much and when he didn’t get his way would ignore me for days get rude and say hurtful things. It was ongoing for some time, there were good times were we would go out to eat, cinemas and all but then the bad times were his insecurities and me not being open enough caused a divide. Eventually I sat him down and spoke to him to find out why he was the way he was and more about him because he was very shady had different houses cars and was too secretive.
Then one time he calls me and says he doesn’t think it will go as far as he thought it would with me, but he has to come clean and then tells me he has a fiancé, he was being forced to marry by his mother in law and had no choice but to marry her imagine!!! That’s when a lot of things began to make sense seeing me at certain times when he wasn’t with the fiancé, calling me and then cancelling plans – planning things with the fiancé and spending time with his child the list is endless. Even though I clocked on to a lot it still was painful to think this person was lying and living a double live, stringing me along. Kept getting caught out and then came clean, I just felt sorry for the fiancé because of how he spoke about her and all he was doing, only God knows how many other women he has deceived other than me and her. The biggest lessons I learnt about some guys out there when in the world I will never forget.
Moving on now… Continuing on from before’s talk about the university chapter…
Went to university first year was in doors a lot, very home sick, surrounded by the wrong people, was seen as the quiet one always in didn’t like to have their type of fun and kept myself to myself a lot. Year one was up and down mentally emotionally but then came year two….
In year two things slightly got better came out of my shell made some more friends, one guy in particular was rumoured to be going out with me as we were always together, nothing like that but people will always talk and assume. There were ups and downs, fall outs with two of the four housemates I was living with and growing tension in the house. At the time I was just moving heartless towards others if they weren’t ‘friends’ one of the girls just got on my nerves I took her phone dropped it in the toilet out of anger and put it back where I found it, with the food I put fairy liquid in it and dashed some of it and left the other half. I just had an unresolved anger issue I didn’t manage well and it was building up more and more.
Fast forwarding remember one evening being in my room and I got a phone call from home, my dad asked me to sit down I couldn’t understand why. Only for him to break the news that my granddad had passed away from my mums side, I lost the plot I screamed run outside and cried called a friend spoke to her and took a turn for the worse, I only saw him ONCE not long before he died, my only ever chance and he had to pass away before I got other chances to see him in Ghana, my heart couldn’t take it. Was trying to get over the death, grades were slipping, my being was messed up and things weren’t going well for some time.
Moving on one of my close friends reached out to me and said she wanted a link I didn’t really talk to guys at the time so on msn (old school) there was a guy friend I knew of so planned to match him up with her, it was all going well until the day came where his friend and not him came to my area at uni, considering my friend backed out too last minute still went ahead to check him out for my friend it all happened so fast, biggest mistake made in uni. He seemed over cocky, rude and not the one I would give to her. Sometime after, the guy received a call and on the other side were a group of guys he was talking to, asking where he was what he was doing etc. He said to them he was talking to a girl called lisa who goes to such uni, they were saying their location and that they wanted to come and see me now I am thinking errrr why do you all want to come see me that’s not normal there was arguing and the call ended.
Some moments later the guy got a call again that someone had been stabbed where the guys were a fight or misunderstanding from the call broke out and this is the result. So the guy has a go at me saying that the stabbing was my fault and that the guys were on their way to find me, went in the house and we were on the look out to see what was happening and if they would find me, low and behold some time later saw some guys outside looking around and indoors the guy I was talking to was saying how he saved me and all this is my fault because I didn’t want them to come down, like seriously someone gets hurt and it is my fault. It took a turn for the worse and all of a sudden I found myself watching my back, going to uni then straight home, very careful of where I was and who could be watching, it turned to house arrest it was soo scary and uncomfortable yet no one knew all this. Found out the guy went to my uni and was a very dangerous guy known in most areas in East London. I was in trouble and didn’t know where to turn or what to do.
He saw me out one time, I was going to quickly do shopping and then go to London, he approached me threatened me saying all sorts and that I should watch my back snatched my phone threatened me again and then after arguing I snatched my phone and I rushed off. Was trembling because it was one of a few occasions he would see me around and threaten me, would call me non- stop expect me to see him when he said so and I remember one time he just reminded me over again of what he did for me saving me from the guys and look how ungrateful I was acting, I was under his control yet couldn’t get to anyone to ask for help on what to do because of how dangerous he was. It was tough and for some time had to lay low, to be honest I was glad and happy to have made it out of uni alive at that time didn’t think I would because of the threats and what I was facing.
I said to myself enough is enough, and broke down in my room at uni and gave my life to Christ there and then, because on that very day I heard a voice ‘if you don’t stop living this way you will end up dead’ when I say I was shocked and surprised at that voice. From that moment on things were quite tough but I knew I was safe and well and free from trouble no longer under house arrest, no longer watching my back and no longer under the control of that guy telling me what to do. But I was okay to go out and come in in one peace, I was set free. Still had things to overcome but was on the road to healing from everything. Leading to year 3 and my graduation ceremony Lord it was all you, because I went to uni to study Law believing I would come out alive and a graduate but in the process that changed and I didn’t think I would come out alive, but you kept me going and for that I am forever thankful to say despite all that happened I graduated.
Law graduate and I didn’t really know what I wanted to do but knew it wasn’t Law so it was searching for my plan B route and going round in circles for four years it was tough, in and out of work doing what I didn’t like but still searching to take on things so I could find out what I loved. Thankfully in the fourth year after graduating God took me on a journey to show me what it is I should be doing career wise where towards the ending of the previous year He called me into ministry, and the path He took me down career wise matched and gelled so well with the ministry that all the going round in circles was worth it. It was very painful at the time not securing anything good but learnt a lot of vital lessons. Also during this time was also going through the heartache that led me to ministry. By this time I didn’t know my worth, felt alone, was bitter, angry, hopeless and weak.
Getting called into ministry and finding my path has had some ups and downs but I am so thankful I am here today after all I have passed through, stronger and in Christ with God walking with Him in ministry (two years next month), finding inner peace, happiness and security. Again I say I thank God I am not looking like what I have passed through.
God knows all I have passed through, the attacks, the tears, the threats, disappointments, pain, self-harming, looking down on myself and more yet He never gave up on me. My tests led to my testimonies, my big mess led to different messages. Where I was then isnt where God wanted me to be, but to move past it all to come into His full presence away from all that could have ended me.
HOW I SEE MYSELF NOW IN A NUTSHELL… A FINAL WORD…..
I do have insecurities, I am not flawless and when I think of this my skin comes to mind I don’t have clear skin and at times it does affect me, I also am going to embrace leaving my natural hair out not everyday weave and braids. But I am learning to embrace my flaws and allow God work on me, my self-confidence which is much better than before still needs work, how I see myself, knowing my worth and identity in Christ as a woman of God in ministry is the path I’m on. I have learnt to accept all this, brush of any comments made about my complexion (Which I hardly get now thank God), certainly no longer living of the compliments guys give. PRAISEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE GOD FOR CHANGE AND NEVER GIVING UP ON ME EVEN WHEN OTHERS DID.
I am not perfect, do make mistakes, forgiven but I know I am God’s daughter a king, worthy, special, unique and beautiful.
Speak life into your being and let God work on you, we are all a work in progress never forget that.
I hope me sharing my story will help encourage someone out there to not give up, find hope and peace in Christ and renew their minds and thoughts process to get better and be better.
So let me leave you with this, will you see me as that lost girl who self-harmed and through anger did many things, cutting a girls hair damaging others belongings, smashing glass with my fists or will you see me now as the woman God has given another chance to and is now in ministry encouraging others? I ask this because many even though they are Christians still need to work on their mindset because they still see you as you once were but not who you are now… #foodForThought
God bless you all